We're going to have a casserole that has to last allll week! Mmmm, I'm looking forward to 4 day old leftovers on Thursday. In between, we'll have ramen and Noodle Roni until we can pay off the bills and credit card to get real food. We had to replace everything in the refrigerator and freezer thanks to Ike, the dick. We bought about half of the essentials so far, which cost us around $150 that we don't really have. We've been practically homeless before -- well, John has actually been homeless, he lived on the streets of San Francisco when he was 13 or 14, and I've had no address more than once, we're actually pretty good at being fucked -- but it's been a long time, and we've never been broke with a kid. I'm fairly confident she won't know the difference. Both of our parents had to learn to live cheaply as single mothers and neither of us felt we really went without, so it feels pretty natural to us. I keep thinking of all the people who not only fooled themselves into thinking there was a middle class, but that they were on the upper end of things, what a shock this must all be. We're lucky in that we moved from CA in 2000 partly because we saw the economy in CA about to tank, and partly because we knew exactly what was going to happen if Bush was elected. It's fucking creepy how right we were all the way down the line.
Credit and monies written on paper that isn't physical currency in your hand isn't your money, you're just as fucked as the rest of us. Those track homes and Dodge Rams aren't yours, neither is the big screen tv you bought on credit last Christmas. We (or I should say somebody who wasn't me) fell into the credit trap over the last 2 years which is partly why we're so fucked. This was after living almost completely credit free our entire lives. The only good thing is neither of us care about material things in the slightest bit outside of stuff that our daughter wants/needs. I can tell you if we weren't still best friends we would both be fucked right now. I knew the friends first mantra would pay off someday. I'm just kidding. I'm very lucky that I haven't had to look for a job in many, many years. First because I had a steady job that started out as a temporary tit-for-tat sort of favor job that turned into long-term employment with awesome benefits and then because we decided it was best for me to stay home with Arlie for at least the first two years.
I'm terrified of the social anxiety shit coming back as I take all of our bullshit head on, but I don't have a choice. If the panic attacks come back, I'll just have to get some sort of anti-anxiety meds. As of right now, I don't think there is any other option. We're now trying to decide if I should come back and work for the company full time, or scrap the company for a few months, only doing work on the weekends, while getting regular jobs during the week. Or since I still have a little money in my college fund left over from my mom, should I go back and get a basic degree so I can get another job with benefits to pay for our outrageous health insurance? So much up in the air right now. I was nervously waiting for the quarterly statements from TIAA-CREF, but was shocked to find I had not only not lost anything, I had gained about $130. I'll have to thank the conservative republican chick who set it up, even though I think at the time she was actually trying to screw me out of gaining money in those accounts faster by giving me a more than safe portfolio, which is what has actually saved us. So far, we haven't lost any of the money that's been accumulating for the last seven years, and no one has put a dime in it for almost 3 years. I feel fortunate that we own some things and because my mom owns this house that we're paying the mortgage on, we at least have a roof over our heads. I'm afraid sooner or later, some of our neighbors won't be so lucky.
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