Our power came back on Sunday evening, but I haven't gone back home yet. After close to 6 days in the dark in our neighborhood, we started to get worried for our semi-valuable shit, as we don't live in the safest part of town (apparently, before we moved in, there were several break-ins - there are still crowbar marks on a few window sills), since we don't have much shit worth saving. Now there is all kinds of crap to take back. Because of that and other reasons, I am not looking forward to leaving just yet. My girl is home with me until she starts preschool, so I might not be posting much as we're taking care of important business: blowing bubbles, playing with play-doh, playing the piano, chasing the annoying gang of yapper Border Collies back to the neighbor's house, building sand castles, swimming (or wading in my case), drawing and painting on the sidewalk, pine cones, and rocks, going for nature walks to see the horses and llamas, singing karaoke, swinging on the tree swing, letting butterflies flirt with us while hoping the elusive hummingbirds won't see us and fly away, playing games, watching movies (I finally hooked up our 32" HD monitor up to the desktop so we can watch online Netflix movies with it, which is AWESOME!), and I think we're going for a bike ride in a little bit. We're just enjoying each other's company, I think we missed this time together over the last few months, so I'm taking advantage of it before I lose her again. She's the funniest kid I've ever known. She loves to make everybody laugh, but usually I'm her target because, with her stone face, she loves to make me lose composure at things I shouldn't encourage. I can't help it, she has a very mature sense of humor and timing. I can already see the reprimands from uptight teachers in her future. Such a great, smart and beautiful little soul and face. She helps me to remember that I am important to somebody. Can you tell we're having a great day? I'm not sure I'd be so enthusiastic if she was having one of her 'Fuck you! I'm 3 1/2 years old, I do what I want!' days. I'm so glad to have this fun alone time with her.
As far as the blog goes, this is where I'm at. I hadn't written a whole lot out here until Sunday, but what I have written just didn't get finished or I decided was shit, so it got scrapped. I don't know what the fuck I'm doing here anymore. Then again, I never knew what the fuck I was doing here in the first place. Those of you who don't know me and have stuck with me, I just want you to know how much I truly appreciate it, no matter your reasons.
Unfortunately, my confidence just keeps getting worse, I'm not really taking care of myself, and have allowed people/situations to affect me when I shouldn't have. This has been going on for at least a few months now. I've really been missing a couple of irreplaceable friends who I lost contact with due to being an irresponsible shithead and moving from state to state frequently in my late teens/early twenties. They could be anywhere in the country by now and may not even want/care to ever hear from me again, anyway. I'm not a MySpace/Facebook type. No offense, I've tried, but they require you to be outwardly social and engaged, I'm not really good at that right now. You also have to be prepared to be rejected, and I'm definitely not in that place. I just hate those fucking dreams, the ones where you're not sure if you actually talked to the person or not until your brain fully wakes up. Two of the best and most influential friends I've known in my life keep casually showing up and I haven't talked them in almost 10 years. Sometimes it's painful into the afternoon. I'm just sick of being isolated. On the other hand, it's pretty desolate out here, and I've been pretty happy the past week and a half. But that's because having my daughter here is the equivalent of entertaining and being entertained by ten of the coolest people I can think of. Regardless, we're going to have to go back to that shithole soon, and that makes me so depressed I could cry just thinking about it. And that's not just the PMS talking. I really hate it there.
I just don't know what the fuck I'm doing anymore, so please don't expect a lot from me. Not that anyone ever expected anything at all. Once I have a job everything will change. I'll update when I can. Excuse me, I have to go fly Batman Girl around the house.
----------------
Now playing: David Cross - Socks And Shoes
via FoxyTunes
No comments:
Post a Comment