Just Another Day

I nearly forgot yesterday was Earwig's 6 month mark, although today was the day I "went public" and told two whole people about it. Since then I've only told another handful of friends and family. Even today my family *pretends that they don't know about it. Considering this is the longest voluntarily consistent project I've ever worked on, there is some pride in knowing that even through a lot of self doubt, I stuck with it. Unfortunately, I'm not really sure why I did persist, or still do. I'm never sure if anyone understands how incredibly hard this can sometimes be for me. I am so appreciative of the few readers, friends, family, passersby, bored Cescan's (like that, Bob?), and some freaks, or maybe they're all freaks, I dunno. Makes me feel like I'm not doing the equivalent of walking down the street shouting to myself (even if that's somewhat accurate). [*fuck you for being not-so-sneaky snakes (whatever mindfuck tunnels you've been intentionally steered down you deserve, but I'll be paying you no mind one way or the other anymore), those of you that aren't republicans should be ashamed of yourself.] With all that said, I can't help feeling that the harder I try the less people read. I don't know how much longer I can justify my time here considering it seems to just be me senselessly babbling out loud 75% of the time. I know I can be offensive, and I try to censor my mouth/fingers a little, but that wasn't what this is about. That's the great thing about not being afraid to be wrong, I enjoy a real well-thought-out argument/debate. It allows me to not censor myself if I feel I've thought an issue through. I'm just not here to make anybody happy, and I'm not doing this for a career. I'm here because I was compelled to do this, I don't know why, but I haven't really questioned it up until now, and I don't see any reason to start now, that is, other than my questioning whether or not there is any point at all. I don' t know, I guess a part of me is starting to believe them again. I'm beginning to think I just need to go back to college for 5-7 years, go to science, because as much as I was hoping doing this would boost my confidence, on some days it really has, most days it hasn't, and has given me one more thing to loath myself about. And maybe it should if I suck this bad at it, gotta be realistic. One awesome thing that has kind of solidified a little out of this is my confidence in some of my photo's. I know I have a loooong way to go and a lot to learn, but I have taken some pictures that I am really proud of technically, historically, and otherwise. Some of that confidence and drive carried me from Iowa to New Hampshire, to South Carolina and Pennsylvania, now to Denver, and beyond. YEAHHYR! I have a couple of buddies that have been with me throughout this process encouraging me all along the way, I've told you several times (though, never enough), you know who you are, and I just want to tell you I love you guys and thank you, you've been more helpful than you could possibly know. I'm proud to report that, even though it's one of my best friends sister's wedding party (who is also a friend), it's no less significant I got offered my first semi-pro job today. I am so grateful for the opportunity, I hope make you guys proud. Maybe I'll post a few if she doesn't mind. Lastly, since I haven't really addressed it, I want to explain how important music sharing is to me. Originally, the reason I decided to add the hokey foxytunes track signature was because I thought it was an easy way to share music and hoped to make the music match my mood and/or the post. I gave up on the quickly, but did/do have to make sure at times that inappropriate songs weren't stamped below inappropriate posts. Such as Weezer's "Slave" or Depeche Mode's "Master and Servant" when discussing racism/bigotry. No comedy from Maria Bamford or David Cross while writing about the devastating earthquake in China. You get the point. I don't always catch them when it's on auto, but I try. I thought about taking it off and leaving it off, but I'm kind of used to it now, and I really like that a reader can click on the link and listen to a song or band they may have never heard before. And the cool thing is, some people do, or used to. I grew up in a music sharing household, long before the digital age and MP3's. I also hung out in a culture of music sharing throughout my teen years and early twenties. In the punk scene, because some records were rare or hard to find, everyone knew when any of our other roommates in South Boston went to the record shop to blow their check. Anyone can tell you that I always have music on and am always trying to get people to listen to new things. This is the best place I can share my collection, and if one person clicks on one band/song they've never heard of before and falls in love, it's worth it. I understand it may be stupid or pointless to some people, but it's not to me, so for now it's staying. There should be all kinds of different music coming up since I've got it set on randomly play the whole hard drive most of the time now. Nothing funnier than "Happy Birthday Jesus" (from A John Waters Christmas, which everyone should own) in the middle of 95 degree June weather! However, not sure why, but in the past few hours it's been playing lots of the more recent stuff. Ahh, that's better, just switched to one of my favorites: The Varukers, "Die For Your Government". Great fucking song, great fucking studio and live band. Two quick cute tidbits, then I'm done rambling: Last night, when I was checking my email and feeds, my girl asked me what I was watching, I said "it's like the news, buddy, like Keith Olbermann, but more boring." She turned toward me and said, "I love Obernman!" Totally not coached in anyway, we just watch it every night these days and she's been watching more often than not lately. Hell, I'm not going to stop her. Then, tonight, I had just gotten out of the shower and with the door half open, she didn't know I could hear her. After Chris Mathews began with his usual, "Let's play hardball" I heard her yell in a scratchy voice, "Let's play hardball!" I about keeled over laughing. I guess she's watching a little too much MSNBC lately. Me, too. I love you crazy mofo's, thanks for all your support, it means more than you'll probably ever know. ---------------- Now playing: The Flaming Lips - Brainville via FoxyTunes