Observations of Aloneness

Some things I've noticed over the past few days while my schedule and day has been completely turned upside down.

• Other than cleaning, cooking, and reading, I have no idea what the fuck to do with myself without my child to take care of.
• I still get tired in the middle of the day.
• I am fed the fuck up with all media coverage right now, I don't know what they fuck I would do without the progressive blogs.
• After getting some REM sleep, super vivid and crisp dreams, some very, very umm, pleasant.
• I still have public places/people phobias. Don't ask me how the hell I get in the car or on a plane to travel hundreds of miles away from my family just to be with strangers. I really haven't figured that out yet.
• Being able to listen to an entire Peaches, Presets, or The Natural Born Killers album from start to finish in the middle of the day is kind of weird, but a good weird. I usually only get to listen to some of that stuff late at night.
• It is obvious that I really, really don't want to go to the doctor as it has been deliberately skipped over on my list for 3 days now. No surprise there.
• I enjoy drinking a lot of water.
• I have the overwhelming sense of failure because my daughter is in someone else's care.
• I feel like I should be doing something, and when I'm doing something, I have this annoying unsatisfied feeling that I should be doing something else.
• I hate being reminded how much I fucking hate mirrors.
• I really need to get the fuck out of this house more often.

I know I should have gone to Bloomington tonight, but my morbid sense of curiosity associated with professional sports train-wreckism and need for self punishment made me stay home to watch another heartbreaking loss, even knowing tomorrow I'll still have to do it all over again. I don't know what the fuck is wrong with me. At least then I can stop whining and get back to just plain bitching.

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Now playing: Presets - Down Down Down
via FoxyTunes