Holy shit, it was almost a month ago I made that last post. Thought I'd have posted by now. Shit's been a little crazy around here. My kid got promoted at her job and is working insane hours, but making a decent amount of money because she's union and now full time. We went from being together every day, mostly all day long for 4 years to not seeing each other all that much in the blink of an eye. It's weird, but good for both of us. At the same time, I got pushed into more responsibilities at work for very little more money. After a few weeks (and before) I told them to fuck off, several times now. They offered me a lot more money, but the sting of them initially trying to only offer A FUCKING DOLLAR AN HOUR RAISE after 6 years of no raise, ended up being the last straw. That place is just a pit of constant unnecessary dysfunction that can't be fixed because they really just need to retire. His wife, who calls me to "fix" her minimize screen because she can't see it anymore, cannot manage that place, she never has, even though she's the Business Manager. I turned down the big raise and told them I"m leaving at the beginning of the year. I'm scared, but I have to do it. I will go work at fucking Walmart if I have to, maybe document my time there, bring light to the toxic culture those people have to deal with. My point is, I don't give a fuck anymore. It's been 13 1/2 years with those people and while I'll always care for them, they shouldn't feel special. Unfortunately, I care for most people. Putting the house up for sale, FOR REAL THIS TIME, and moving North. Not sure which direction yet, but that'll probably depend on work. Anyway, that' not what I got on here to post about it.
I've decided I can't "propagandize" on FB anymore. It's been really cool to see some people, who are most definitely libs, actually realize they're more left than they thought they were and the planet and its inhabitants need people to speak up right now. Turn off traditional television and news, only use social media as a platform to elevate silenced or stifled voices, or post funny memes, because corporate platforms are all just propaganda with an agenda. I'm forever desperately trying to encourage people to not hide, stuff, or be afraid of their humanity. Caring for and empathizing with all beings in a meaningful way is what makes us who we are. When you turn that off or cannot access that part of yourself, we're all on out on our own, a society of lone wolves, and we didn't survive as a species of dominant, overpowering lone wolves. Neither did wolves, as it turns out. However, fb is just like a graveyard of libs, bots and trolls. It's also exhausting to see smart, educated, open-minded people run back to platitudes when shit gets uncomfortable because they can't run from what they're seeing and feeling. People don't get that you have to be willing to lose in order to fight. They mean well, and I appreciate they haven't snoozed me like 95% of my friends an family have. They're engaged, and that's a good start.
This is the last bit of meta garbage, I really didn't want to post about posting. I think I'm going to buy a domain and put all of my shit on there. I might eventually even ask my writer friends/family to contribute, as I'd always intended here. I just plan to back away from Microsoft and google over the next year. I hate how intertwined those companies are in our lives, it's fucking gross and creepy, no one ever really knowingly gave consent for that. It's part of the reason I don't want to do IT work anymore. So many of these tech companies are at the ground level of everything that is wrong with everything. I want to put photos, the video projects I'm about to start, writings, poetry or whatever you want to call it, brain vomit, paintings, etc. It'll be similar to here, and just for me, mostly, at least in the beginning. This time there will be no immediate boost from a well known online writer, which I think will probably be a good thing for my anti-social ass. I love people, I love everyone, I just want them all to stay over there, just right over there, if you don't mind. Well, almost all of them, some stay over there when I wished they'd get a little closer, if they want to. I mean, I think I do. I want people to read my shit, but not *those* people, you know what I mean? They can be a far right dumbfuck, and unless they're an unfeeling and dangerous psychopath, I'm always willing to try to understand why they are the way they are, to help them get to self realization/actualization and see that they've been brainwashed from birth to make sure their perspective is skewed and narrow. Help them to realize that reality is much softer and kinder than what's imprinted in their mind. But there are just certain people from my life I want nothing to do with. Just the people who like to see me in pain. And I don't mean in the consensual way. The kind of people who put in the the time to make you feel comfortable being vulnerable just so they can get the pleasure out of gaslighting or flipping you upside down. I need them to not find me at the new place, so I don't know how I'm going to post it here. I may not be able to.
Anyway, I don't want to post about posting. I'm going to try to get back to posting political stuff here instead of fb. I kind of have a plan for closing this thing out, but it won't be for a while because it'll be when I'm making a whole bunch of other changes. For now, stuff here is just going to be random. I'm hoping there will be some long ramblings, snippets and excerpts, maybe some images/paintings, video/sound collages. We'll see. I'm working on two different stories right now, one fiction and one kind of fictional. I've been putting off getting diagnosed for ADHD for the past 3 years. I'm almost certain I have it, after I started piecing together people had been telling me I do, including my elementary school counselor (my mom said, "not my kid" and that was that), throughout my whole life. I wonder if I could write two different stories more efficiently and less haphazardly if I had help with ADHD and anxiety. Look, I still have her card, I've almost called her, but I just haven't. The older I get the more my doctors are like you need to take this, you need to take that, and I fucking hate medication. It is awesome that I have a "Bernie girl", as she referred to herself, for a physician so I can talk openly about my perspective. She gives me Xanax when I need it, only 10 at a time, but I almost never take them, even when I have panic attacks. They're nice to have just in case and it's nice to know I can ask for more with no questions asked if I need to. For the most part I'm pretty good at managing them, most of the time. I just don't want to be put on speedy drugs or be told to take anti-depressants to deal with anxiety again. My ex and I stupidly traded a Christ the Album (Crass) for like 20 Ritalin when we lived in Boston almost 30 years ago (wtf, I am so old). It was good at first, but eventually it just caused me anxiety. But, I don't think that apartment was ever that clean before or after! I briefly took wellbutren to quit smoking like 25 year ago and it gave me anxiety. Then I think I tried lexapro or some other mild antidepressant at some point for a very short time, but didn't like how it made me feel at all, so I never went back to it. And I wasn't depressed I just had undiagnosed severe general and social anxiety and agoraphobia, any depression was/is situational and mostly manageable. I do not like having to take meds every day. For now it's just vitamins, allergy meds, and stuff for my intestinal ulcer or whatever the fuck they're now calling it, but I hate it. It makes me feel like I'm sick. I mean I kind of am, but the meds make me feel like if I'm not a slave to the insurance and pharmaceutical overlords, I'm fucked. I don't like that feeling at all. Anyway, maybe I'll just do it, maybe they'll tell me I don't have ADHD. My brain is just fried for other reasons.
I'm going to post this and then put the other shit in another post because my glaringly persistent white flash-bang screen that blogger insists upon using is making it hard to see the words. Doesn't help I refuse to go get my glasses. I'm so old.
So I'm gonna spellcheck and post.
I guess for now, I just did post about posting. Sorry.
On the iTunes shuffle rotation right now:
The Snake With The Eyes Of Garnet · Shane MacGowan & The Popes
10/17/25 8:27 PM
